For our first Women Over Dinner in a prison, we had 73 incarcerated women in total (up from the 54 they said would come), over 100 people in the room with our people, Topeka’s guests, and Taconic staff.

When we arrived we spent about an hour and a half getting all the equipment and supplies through the processing station. They kept saying things like this isn’t on the list, that isn’t on the list, but trying to get it in (it all was on the list ultimately and we got 99% of everything in). But I had that conviction that even if we served cold food without gloves it would be perfect.

We carried all our items from the processing station inside the prison. The barbed wire and protocols hung over us, everyone a little tight to make sure we followed the rules but all of us perched and eager to get in. We arrived in the main hall and saw barren tables; the room had the feeling of a deserted cafeteria from the 90s.

We started moving tables around the room to get into the formation for the event. We put long tables together with circular ones to make them long enough for all the large plastic chairs to all fit. The two staff in the room moved the podium and TV and put up these red panel curtains over the wall to cover the windows and random printouts. It made it look like a real event space. We put linens, pelegrino in plastic bottles, flowers, place settings at each table. We played music and the UF documentary on the big screen.

We gave out close to 20 From Guards to Guardians books to the correctional officers and staff. They kept asking for more. Another officer would come in and they would say can I have the book? And then they’d come back and say can I get another one for someone else?

Registration started slow as the women had to fill out the prison’s forms and get added to the list. More and more kept coming and we went from the 54 on our list to 73 incarcerated women at the dinner. We kept adding tables and seats and got them all in. There were a handful of women who were transitioning and a lot of them shared how much warmer it felt to be in a women’s prison than when they had previously been in a men’s one.

The dinner started and Kiki opened the night with the Virginia wolf quote and her own story about being incarcerated and how the dinner came to be and then read a letter that the State Commisioner of prisons of NY wrote to the women of this event — he couldn’t come to the event but had heard about it and wanted to share his support. It was honest and you could tell the women actually felt seen in it.

Dr Topeka Sam, a nationally recognized advocate for criminal justice reform, spoke about how Women Over Dinner inspired something in her when she first came to it and she kept inviting more and more women, about the global dinners happening and how in each case it’s women inspiring other women and lighting up the grid. How she found her kind in prison and out.

Nicole spoke about being canceled, she told the women what if you’re here not because what’s wrong with you but because what’s right with you. You can’t color in the lines and you’re meant to bring the wild back into the world. She said if she could do this every night it would be a really good life and she’d change all of prison to be a monastery to restore body and soul. The women in the room were dropped in, the officers and staff were dropped in, a woman said I love her.

In addition to the women there were staff interspersed at each table. When I asked if she was joining the dinner, the assistant deputy said she should be at the staff table. I told her we had the staff mixed in with the women at each table and she said “Oh that’s the right way to do it, I like you guys.”

There was a chaplain there who also works at Edgecombe and wants to get involved with everything we do. She signed up for WOD Harlem and wants to send her people to Free Food and partner in the NY community.

There was a resident at one of the tables who works with the women before they leave, she said they come to her for the last 90 days and she does some programming with them. She glanced through Art of Soulmaking books we had given to every woman and said she thinks she can use it in her programming, she would work it into what she does with them. She thinks the program would be powerful in groups.

There were so many Karmic connections at the dinner. Ayisha one of our table leads was seated next to someone she was incarcerated with 10 years ago. Kara was with someone she went to high school with. Topeka’s photographer who was also formerly incarcerated said his mom was at Taconic and he was never able to visit her because he was also in prison at that time. And he didn’t think it was going to mean anything until he walked in the building and had a very emotional realization that he was bringing back a kind of love to his mom he never could before.

After the dinner, we started recieving emails from women who had attended. “As I sit here reflecting on last evening I am compelled to voice my appreciation. I am currently in my eighteen year of incarceration and I have yet to have experience what I experienced last night.”

Women told us they forgot they were in prison, they felt cared for, they felt valued, they felt free.

Reflections from other volunteers at the dinner

There was a young woman at my table who shared about what she magnetized in her life was being in prison. She had been an addict and at some point prayed on her knees to change her life and a month later wound up in prison. And she is grateful because she wouldn’t be alive otherwise. She had been quiet most of the time but when she shared this she was so clear and sat up a little taller and transmitted the power of having gone all the way to the bottom.

I loved the moment at the end of Nic’s speech where she just stopped talking for 10 seconds and the whole room was silence, and then she thanked the women for the experience. You could feel them all take it in.

There was a woman at my table who shared that she felt like when we came in it was the first time she felt not judged from outside, how the experience of the table was someone just sitting and listening to you, and how little they sometimes feel people want to do that.

There was a moment when we walked in and it was Topeka, Ayisha, Thoyln, Kiki, and Rochelle. You could feel the thread from the last time we all saw each other at the last women over dinner and then the feeling of being ushered into this new space that is their dominion. Like the underground network alive and powering everything.

There was was a moment when I saw my high school friend who was incarcerated and initially she was hesitant to say hi but we caught up in this new way of focusing on the present. She was telling me what’s she’s been learning in school and asked me questions about college.

One woman at my table said to a more quiet woman next to her, I’m so glad you finally came to an activity. I’ve been wanting to see you at one of these and hear more of your story.

There was another woman who sat to my left, her name was Miracle. She was a little quiet and withdrawn at first but she came out pretty quick. During the take down question she shared about how she has been so mad at her son’s step mom and told her whole family, “She took him to Chuckee Cheese for his birthday? That’s not special we do that every Friday.” She said from the question she realized that she was doing it because she was jealous that this woman was with her son and she felt ashamed for being in prison. She said “Maybe I need this time and so I can be thankful he has someone while I am here.” It was so potent and touching, real time alchemy in the below. At the end of the night she shared that she had been quietly crying throughout the whole night.

We also had the deputy sheriff sit with us. And before she sat you could tell the women were nervous she was at our table. They weren’t sure they’d be able to express with her there. But when she sat down she felt so receptive and open. She kept crying throughout the dinner. She was feisty too and so there was this range the table could express at freely.

Women showed up that weren't on the list and everyone worked to get them in. We added an extra seat to each of our original ten tables and set up a large 11th table with 12 women. It was incredible. About half way through I ended up getting to lead that last table. There was a moment a woman turned to me and asked what that book was that everyone else got. I told them about AOS and several women around the table started paying more attention.

Some of the COs were at one end of the room, watching together. They nodded along during the talks, smiling big and cheering at certain points. At the end when Topeka was showing the Chanel gifts that each woman had recieved this one woman’s face was lit up with this giant smile.

Kiki and Topeka kept saying how we made history with this dinner. The first women over dinner in a prison, the beginning of something huge, the next step for the women’s movement.